If I could, I would. Unfortunately, I take my privacy seriously and I’m pretty sure one of these dating apps has already been breached. No use pretending they won’t all suffer the same fate. Oh well, at least they can star me for the reboot of 40-year-old virgin.
I don’t blame people for avoiding dating apps as a way to meet people. It feels like putting yourself up at the store. It’s exhausting.
In dating apps you commodify yourself so that they can sell your profile to other users. It feels so incredibly fake that everyone has to market themselves with checklists of positive qualities and good looking photos and witty messages.
Combine that with marketing yourself for work and all of the subtle competition we have in society, and it’s the perfect recipe for burnout.
I always felt weird on dating apps, because it felt like a competition, and i’m the least competitive person on the planet.
dating apps are dogshit but discord and reddit aren’t terrible places to meet romantic/sexual partners (speaking as an autist who doesn’t socialize irl)
I weirdly like dating apps as if you don’t care about matches its like online people watching
plot twist:
insert gay dating app here
Why do you think he would have better chances there?
because men would fuck a hole in a tree if it looks at them funny
Don’t be so dismissive about how sexy some trees are.
They don’t call em pussy willows for nothing.
Pussy willow so good it bout to make me hnnggg-
Point taken.
Man Here I can confirm.
Oh hey maybe lets buzz on over to Bumble, where women have to initiate the interaction!
Whats that?
That rarely ever happens and the business is imploding?
Quick! Do an ad campaign calling people nuns in a convent for not using our pay to win subscription service!
Wait, people didn’t like that?
Uh maybe we’re actually just an app for finding friends now, or something… sure yeah we’ll just pretend Discord and Instagram and Tiktok don’t exist, this’ll totally work.
Hrm uh ok, lets try uh… Grindr.
Closeted Republican, closeted Republican, another closeted Republican…
Fuck it.
Into the 4chan dating app, at least that one works about as well as you’d expect it to; openly deranged maniacs with no filter = low chance of being misled.
And there are no paywalls!
If you want to make a dating app that actually works, actually reliably produces what the user is looking for… you need to call out the user on their own bullshit. You need to actually tell them ‘your profile says you are looking for this, your actual history on this platform indicates otherwise’.
Well I mean… the datings apps know that, they just don’t tell you. They keep that info for themselves, and then leverage the difference between the gap there to keep you on the platform for as long as possible, by matching together people who are lying to each other and themselves in approximately the same way.
Bumble women initiating interactions: “hi”
Now do that on Tinder as a man and you’re bland and unimaginative. Try harder.
There are now actually ‘singles events’ in the US that are charging women to attend, but not men.
… I’ve always just been astounded by how one single filter nearly insantly removes my entire potential dating pool:
Does Not Want Kids.
Not ‘maybe wants kids’.
Knows they do not want kids.
I’ve never wanted kids. I am exceedingly confident that even if I did want kids, I could not provide them with what I would consider a good upbringing.
There are almost 0 people on any dating site or app that know they do not want kids.
… and I’m not like, an anti-natalist. I just know myself, and what I in particular want and can handle.
the women i have met on apps are no different than the ones i met on the internet generally, or the ones I met in college or in real life.
It’s almost as if the issue is people themselves, not the tech.
at least in USA, we live in a culture that worships ourselves above all else, and that’s not a very good mindset for dating and relationships, or starting families.
The dating apps are definitely not optimized for user dating success.
That said, a lot of people self sabotage in their dating life. The apps aren’t going to put in a lot of effort to stop you from doing that.
dating apps cannot optimize dating dude. your entire premise is false.
stop buying into the techno evangelism that technology can solve human emotional and behavioral problems. it can’t.
I’m not buying into techno evangelism. I’m saying that given a choice between a good faith effort to match users with compatible dates, and something else that will make money, they will almost always choose to make money. You can have success on the apps, but they’re not trying to get that success rate very high.
Furthermore, many problems people face in dating are present with or without apps. The behavioral and emotional provlems you allude to, I expect.
the apps don’t match people.
people match people. people chat, people go on the dates.
all the company does is allow you to create a profile and look at other profiles. the provide a platform.
your success on the app is a product of your attractiveness. most people aren’t attractive and their standards are way too high, so they fail. but that is their choice, not the dating apps.
nobody is getting matches or going on dates without their direct personal efforts. the companies do not do that for anyone. the issue is that people are lazy and entitled and won’t settle for realistic options. and that has nothing to do with apps, really. plenty of people had that attitude before apps existed, it’s just apps make them feel like should be able to find a perfect person when no such person exists.
and that is the paradox of choice. when you are presented to 1000s of options, you feel any one choice you make is not great. but if you are presented with 5 options, you are a lot more confident and attached to your choice was a good one.
all apps really do is exaggerating existing cognitive and emotional biases people already have, but the problem lies with the person holding that belief.
Saying “the apps don’t match people” and “the apps provide a platform [for matching]” is I guess technically true but disingenuous. You could say, like, libraries don’t give you books. You have to go and check it out yourself. Yeah, kind of, but people go there with a purpose the platform is (nominally) intended to fulfill.
your success on the app is a product of your attractiveness
I don’t know if that’s really true. I’m middling attractive and had a lot of success. There are a lot of factors.
I don’t think the sweeping generalizations about people are really helpful. Is this making you happy? Are you doing okay in your dating life?
I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.
the librarian isn’t picking the books for you dude. you can also go to other libraries. you have choices. nobody is forcing you to do anything.
your attractiveness is more than your looks, it’s more about your relative social status and your dating pool’s expectations. everyone who claims they ‘arent’ attractive but do well’ is usually extremely attractive. They live in a bubble.
I do well on apps. I’m classically handsome and I have a Harvard degree. But I don’t find people on apps, or IRL to be worth my time anymore. My patience for listening to people whine about how dissatisfied their lives are ended in 30s. When I date now it’s mostly them complaining, then me talking about how happy I am with my life, and them thinking I’m a huge asshole for not having ‘empathy’ for their struggles of not being able afford first class plane tickets on every vacation.
I think their point was that dating apps do the opposite. They show you only a trickle of what you actually want, then barely or never show your profile with them, and spend a huge amount of time showing you ads and asking you to pay them to see all your likes.
They want you there as long as possible, and then they want you frustrated and desperate enough to just pay the ransom for the likes your profile already generated. They’re evil.
Nothing ever happens. He rests his case.
Is that the subway pedo guy Jared?
it’s chudjak which is weird to see here
I already met all my possible partners in my town. Time to move to NY
You cannot afford to move to NY.
NYC isn’t cheap but sometimes you get what you pay for. But yeah, $2000/mo rent is probably eye popping for a lot of people. You save a lot by not having a car, though. Or roommates can also cut the cost.
… The economy has not been hiring anyone in substantial numbers for years, job growth has consistently been trailing just actual working age population growth.
The tech sector is massively laying people off, for the last few years.
If you’re gonna move to NY, that means you’re not very likely to find a well paying inperson job, or be able to keep your remote job.
Right now, Zillow lists 220 studio apartments under $2000 a month, in NYC.
220
City has a population of about 8.5 million people. Median household income is ~82k.
2000 x 3 x 12 = 72,000.
The median household in New York City only makes 10k a year more (before taxes) than what is the safe minimum to afford a studio apartment.
So uh yeah, yeah, you’re gonna need roommates.
And I’m sure it will just be easy to move to an entirely new city and just win the roommate lottery, find ones that are responsible, reliable, low drama.
In summary, moving to NYC in pursuit of its theoretical dating pool is a wonderful way to become homeless.
Moving to a new city without a financial plan is a dubious idea, yeah. Especially since the current economic situation is Bad.
Yeah, since mamdamis extra 2nd house tax I won’t be able to afford my 5th Sunday house there
I’m sorry, do you think that taxes on unoccupied homes… make homes… more expensive, overall?
You increase supply, which correspondingly lowers prices, by punishing homes that are mostly vacant, most of the time.
Oh and also the revenue from said tax can go toward things like making housing less expensive for the very poor, poor, and middle income folks.
Here, for you: /s
Ok, you definitely do not have the social skills to survive in NYC very long.
lmao
And you seem to be taking this conversation way too seriously. I aint gonna move to NY cuz I made a comment on a website. Yes, you are avidly aware of NYs issues but I wasn’t advocating for everyone to move there, I was just saying my town is small.
What you are doing is saying stupid shit and then not enjoying your stupid shit being called out as such.
You’ve likely exhausted your dating pool in your small town because you are an unlikeable asshole who just writes checks with his mouth that he can’t actually cash.
~10 years on dating sites this is me for sure. Except I never touched tinder, I want a site with profiles and more than just swipe. Plus I’m way too unattractive for swipe only apps lol
Oh, post about me. It’s nice to be represented
Women: “What’s he building in there?”
