You are still conflating “I would like it if I could make my partner orgasm with my bare hands” and “why won’t my partner orgasm the way I want to” as beliefs that must always go together. But it is totally possible to simultaneously believe and act on all the following:

1. How can I pleasure my partner more?
2. I love making my partner cum with the vibrator
3. I don’t expect my partner to cum the way I want them to
4. I would like it if I could make my partner orgasm in more ways than they currently do (i.e with my bare hands rather than a vibrator)

Isn’t it? At least, I see no reason for mutual exclusivity of these