No that one doesn’t count. You have to do a read first to see are my skills as a righter.

This is one of the better and more favored compliments I get. Need to be called Shakespeare three more times to earn an achievement (97/100).

There are people smarter than you who get the joke

Damn right! That’s my teleological purpose! I offend both the religious and secular, and thus make more religious. I’ve invented Mormon Occultism. People that rebel in the Mormon church will find me as I am the quasi-opposition of orthodox religious congregations, while people who seek truth from a secular perspective can debate me and I will win having studied philosophy into the 30th grade. This makes me an attractor membrane to orthodox Mormonism. God thought thus through for me, because God knows my dumb ass wouldn’t have come up with this myself, because damn am I a horny son of a bitch.

Listen, urine comes from your no-no spot and I want to drink it straight from the tap because I am an alchemist and know urine’s true potential. Please, everyone, pee on me to make me more powerful, and I will defeat Donald Trump in this next election…

Removed by mod

That’s a zobra

Well, I had 260 people come through me just last night at our emergency church service at midnight that definitely wasn’t a booty call on my congregation

No

No the secret is not caring enough to

I’ll wear your clothes too, for a long time, if you let me

My sister was on the rag that I sent to space. Shit was bloody everywhere

It’s the same con game

Yea, it’s the confidence that those gentlemen were artists at.

Confidence arts

Con arts

That’s why it’s called that

This is who I am. I identify as a Mormon Occultist, and so I am. But I don’t identify as an alcoholic, so I’m not. I’m gunna get into stand-up with this bit, I think.

Johnny knew not water

For he forgot vater

My father is he who speaks through me

And thus I express simply

That ain’t water I just drank

It’s getting dark, I’m gunna have one last wank

I’ll boof that ish if you will

Do not bring up how deep fourteen year olds are around me. This is not what I need to be thinking about in my new Mormon life.

It’s two weeks, silly. That’s how you con an entire country. You just keep the people living paycheck to paycheck thinking it’s all going to change if they just work hard enough to push through this next bit. That’s what’s keeping the machine working, where y’all are cogs n gears n shit

I would pay seven figures to be the caboose in a human centipede