One of my “favorites” (not mentioned in the Wiki article) is that in the 1980s Trump offered to pay for the funeral of a child killed by a bear … and then of course reneged.

I’m a Cognitive Developmental Transportation Engineer … aka school bus driver.

Look how excited everybody got over those fucking $600 “stimulus” checks. Not even one month’s rent for anybody.

My mom taught me growing up to deal with spiders like this. She proudly told me how her dad had taught her to do it. Now she’s nearly 90 and when she sees a spider she’s like KILL THAT FUCKIN THING!!!

My local Acme carried red bananas for a while. They are fucking delicious, taste more like a banana custard than a regular yellow banana. They’re also a bit smaller so less of a commitment to carbo-loading when you peel one. I wouldn’t mind at all if they became the new standard banana, even if it would kind of ruin Mario Kart.

TBF this was all more than 5 years ago when the job interviewing process at most IT companies involved just putting a moistened finger underneath the candidate’s nostrils. Apparently the programmer job market is pretty horrific these days, although I wouldn’t know since I drive a school bus now.

How about an example from the last 40 years?

“Jimmy Page wrote Stairway to Heaven when he was 23, but I learned to play it at 18.”

MS is waaaay too big to fail.

I was thinking Microsoft employs clever people

As a programmer, I’ve had numerous colleagues who have ended up as software engineers at MS. They were mostly either unbelievably lazy or extremely incompetent. The rest who were both ended up there as managers.

I used to even have props for some gags

Imagine trying to convert people and you run into fucking Carrot Top.

I used to canvas door-to-door for a public interest group, so I almost always give them some cash and offer them water and a bathroom break. It was an absolutely horrific job and I’m sure it’s even worse today. I still want them to move the fuck on as quickly as possible, though.

I still remember the best interaction I ever had going door-to-door. We were raising money to help fight rising insurance rates, and I was talking to one old guy standing next to his truck. He listened to my spiel and then said “I’ll tell you why insurance rates are so high: it’s because the n****rs are burning the cities down.” I said “well that’s what we’re fighting, sir” and he gave me $25.

I like the solicitors who put their sales brochures in ziplock bags with some rocks and toss it onto your driveway. It gives me rocks to throw at all the other solicitors.

“I’d let you in, but I prefer Mormons. They have better porn.”

“Comedic” is a better title for this than “Tragic”.

Why are they wearing camo in a fucking city?

I would like to see politicians have always-on cameras as well. No more backroom deal bullshit.

conscious energy systems or something

Like Kevin Spacey? Ew.

I suppose you could wish for all genies to be instantly annihilated. Maybe toss the GOP in there for good measure.

I lived in Daytona years ago. One day I noticed a new store had appeared in a strip mall near my house: they sold nothing but Super-Whippers, plastic whisks that sold for $1. They had two display racks in the window, one with white Super-Whippers and one with black. They were never open and there was a hand-written piece of paper taped to the door that said “sorry, we’re closed. If you want a Super-Whipper, the nail salon next door has some.” The store was less than a thousand feet from three dollar stores and a Publix, all of which sold plastic whisks.

I thought I had never seen a more pathetic example of a money laundry, but perhaps Daytona is just filled with really cheap husbands.